As Uncle Dan Would Say, the Family Reunion from H-E-double toothpicks!

Copyright Leader Publications 2005

            A couple of years ago my sister and I joined our dad and three of his four sisters on a trip to California for a family reunion with another of his sisters, a brother and their families.

            My dad and his seven siblings take a trip together every year, but on this one, all of the cousins who could make it were invited along.

            Most of us took the same flight out and met at the airport – aunts, uncles and cousins.

            As we waited at our gate, my Uncle Gene said good-bye to my Aunt Adeline and set out for another gate.

            “Isn’t he going with us?” I asked my aunt.

            “Oh, he’s not allowed on family vacations,” Aunt Adeline said. “He’s going to Mississippi for two weeks to fish. He’d rather do that anyway.”

            Turns out Uncle Gene can be such a troublemaker he got barred from any more family trips. I learned that on a previous flight, he and Uncle Robert ended up seated together and fought during the entire flight over whether the light over the seat should be kept on or off. I guess Uncle Gene started it because Uncle Robert is still allowed on the trips.

            We arrived in California, picked up some rental cars and piled in. Uncle Robert was driving our car, following Aunt Adeline. He was about to lose her as an 18-wheeler edged closer and closer into our lane. Fearing he’d lose Adeline, and not knowing the way to our destination, he refused to slow down to allow the big rig in. Fortunately, we only lost a side view mirror.

            We hadn’t been California for more than a half an hour and already had an accident. I figured what they said about California drivers must be true, except in this case, it was kind of Uncle Robert’s fault, too.

            We arrived at the “mansion,” a three-story home that was being rented out while waiting to be sold. The men who were single or without their mates got the top floor, my sister, female cousins, some of the cousins’ kids and I got a large second floor room to share. Other bedrooms were taken up by the married couples.

Cousin Eva wanted Aunt Adeline to get the master suite, complete with a Whirlpool tub, since she was the one who thought up and did most of the arranging of the trip. Aunt Adeline finally agreed and took the nice room.

          Then my aunts began deciding where Aunt Rita and Uncle Dan would sleep once they arrived. The aunts were a bit stressed because, as I overheard it, if Uncle Dan didn’t like the room he was assigned, he would #%!&* the whole time.

            Funny as it may sound, I was shocked. I had never heard any of my aunts use a curse word before.

            A few hours later, Uncle Dan and Aunt Rita arrived and were shown their room.

            Not long after, as we girls were getting settled in our own room, cousin Johnny was racing up the stairs to the third floor. He stopped on the way, peeked his head into our door, and said, cracking up in laughter, “Uncle Dan just kicked Aunt Adeline out of her room!”

            Eva fumed. We learned later that Uncle Dan saw the Whirlpool tub in Aunt Adeline’s master suite and suddenly began relating to her about his injured shoulder and how that Whirlpool sure would help. To keep the peace, Aunt Adeline relinquished her room and took a small room toward to back that no one else was interested in.

            My cousin Laura, Uncle Dan’s daughter, told us it was the first she heard about any injured shoulder.

            We spent a week in California as aunts, uncles and various cousins and their kids ambled in and out. It was the first I’d seen of some of my cousins in more than 40 years. I had never seen their kids before.

            My sister and I were amazed at our California-raised cousins and their teen-agers. We studied the tongue piercings and tattoos with interest. And that was on the girls.

            We admired one of our cousin’s beautiful, waist-length blond hair. That was a guy.

            Mostly we sat around, talked and ate. The women from Missouri took turns with the cooking. One night my cousin Eva, my sister and I cooked a spaghetti dinner with salad and French bread for 37 people. It was surprisingly easy.

            One memorable evening, many of us sat around talking about the family tree. Seems my great-grandfather came to the United States from Spain for the 1904 World’s Fair in St. Louis. Grandma was born the following winter of 1905. Her father returned to Spain and died shortly after. We have some information about her heritage but there are a lot of holes in the story. My dad and Aunt Mary had an argument over whether or not Grandma’s was an illegitimate birth.

            My cousin George had an idea. He decided that since he was just about the only one who was single and without kids, he could travel to Spain the following year, stay there with a friend for the summer, and try to research the family tree from there. He added that we could all pitch in to cover the costs.

            “OK, Georgie,” my dad said. “As long as you promise that, a hundred years from now, there won’t be a group of Spaniards sitting around at a family reunion saying, ‘Our ancestor George came from America to Spain to research his family tree. A year later an illegitimate baby was born.’”

            As things turned out, Uncle Dan never got to use his Whirlpool tub because my California cousin’s teenage girls were always in it.

            And the little kids were always going in his master suite because they liked the way the windows opened sideways and they liked to watch the ocean view. Once the kids locked themselves in and Uncle Dan was locked out of his own room.

            As my aunts predicted, Uncle Dan did a lot of #%@&* -ing about his sleeping arrangements. But nobody ever bothered Aunt Adeline’s, room.

            And so far, cousin George has not made it to Spain.

           

            Note to cousin Laura:  I decided maybe I should leave out the part where Sandy had a bit too much to drink and we almost lost her in San Francisco! lol